John Kerry...Something For Everyone!
JB Williams, 02/10/04
In the tradition of a true liberal, John Kerry offers something for everyone. Equality for minorities, marriage for homosexuals, free healthcare for the uninsured, jobs for the jobless, security for the insecure, choice for women, stability for the elderly, opportunity for the young, education for the uneducated, wealth for the poor, even tax cuts for people who don’t pay taxes. He plays guitar, and is a war hero, he even simulates a toke on a doobie for the MTV crowd, and uses four letter words like a real man. He shouldn’t be running for President, any man who can do all of this should be running for God’s job!
But that’s not the best part. He also appeals to liberals and conservatives, pleasing conservatives when he voted to support going to war in Iraq, and liberals when he later campaigns against the war he authorized. He covered his bet with conservatives when he voted to support free trade and liberals when he campaigns against NAFTA. Conservatives like it when he talks tall about his military background and how he plans to keep America safe, and liberals love him for voting over and over to close military bases and reducing military and intelligence funding by billions throughout his Senate career.
He truly has something to offer everyone. When he voted for “no child left behind”, conservatives thought it was wonderful, and his current campaign against “no child left behind” makes liberals plum giddy. Conservatives support his campaign promise to give up “special interest” money, and liberals love him for his ability to pocket more “special interest” money than any Senator in history.
What a guy! He represents the best of both worlds, who wouldn’t like that?
Of course, some will attack him for his inability to take a firm stand for or against any of these issues, but that’s just the kind of unreasonable campaign rhetoric to be expected during an election. Some will accuse him of playing both sides of the issues, being politically expedient, even trying to have his cake and eat it too, but isn’t that what good liberalism is all about?
What’s not to like? He’s experienced; nobody is better at shaking down a Washington lobbyist than John Kerry, look at all the people he was able to help right after they filled his campaign coffers, and fast too, usually delivering the goods within days after receiving their donations. He even helped China improve their efforts to develop nuclear weaponry as a result of their campaign contributions, what more can you ask of a true Washington insider?
And man can he relate to the “little guy”, the “average Joe”. Oh I know, some are going to say that he is just another Washington elitist millionaire living off the millions from his wife’s dead husband, but that doesn’t mean he can’t relate to the average American. After all, his limo driver that he rides with everyday, the maids at the house, his grounds keepers, his pilots and personal aids, they are all average Americans. Just look how many jobs he provides. Of course he can relate to the average Joe, and he is truly concerned about Joe too.
Yeah he voted against vouchers for underprivileged children, keeping them from accessing better schools, but that’s because he had to take care of the Teachers Union who keeps his campaign funds flowing, after all, teachers are average Americans too. Even Union bosses deserve a certain amount of protection.
What more can we ask for in a Presidential candidate. He’s not like Joe Lieberman who got all hung up on standing for just one position on the issues. He’s got it all, the ability to argue both sides of every issue; and did I mention that he’s a war hero? He’s cool too, like Edwards, he plays guitar you know?
I think he’s a shoe in for the Presidency this November. Who could possibly be more qualified to lead the free world? He’s just what we need in these trying times, a man who can take any side of any issue. He’s got my vote; I love a guy who stands for everything!
JB Williams, 02/10/04
In the tradition of a true liberal, John Kerry offers something for everyone. Equality for minorities, marriage for homosexuals, free healthcare for the uninsured, jobs for the jobless, security for the insecure, choice for women, stability for the elderly, opportunity for the young, education for the uneducated, wealth for the poor, even tax cuts for people who don’t pay taxes. He plays guitar, and is a war hero, he even simulates a toke on a doobie for the MTV crowd, and uses four letter words like a real man. He shouldn’t be running for President, any man who can do all of this should be running for God’s job!
But that’s not the best part. He also appeals to liberals and conservatives, pleasing conservatives when he voted to support going to war in Iraq, and liberals when he later campaigns against the war he authorized. He covered his bet with conservatives when he voted to support free trade and liberals when he campaigns against NAFTA. Conservatives like it when he talks tall about his military background and how he plans to keep America safe, and liberals love him for voting over and over to close military bases and reducing military and intelligence funding by billions throughout his Senate career.
He truly has something to offer everyone. When he voted for “no child left behind”, conservatives thought it was wonderful, and his current campaign against “no child left behind” makes liberals plum giddy. Conservatives support his campaign promise to give up “special interest” money, and liberals love him for his ability to pocket more “special interest” money than any Senator in history.
What a guy! He represents the best of both worlds, who wouldn’t like that?
Of course, some will attack him for his inability to take a firm stand for or against any of these issues, but that’s just the kind of unreasonable campaign rhetoric to be expected during an election. Some will accuse him of playing both sides of the issues, being politically expedient, even trying to have his cake and eat it too, but isn’t that what good liberalism is all about?
What’s not to like? He’s experienced; nobody is better at shaking down a Washington lobbyist than John Kerry, look at all the people he was able to help right after they filled his campaign coffers, and fast too, usually delivering the goods within days after receiving their donations. He even helped China improve their efforts to develop nuclear weaponry as a result of their campaign contributions, what more can you ask of a true Washington insider?
And man can he relate to the “little guy”, the “average Joe”. Oh I know, some are going to say that he is just another Washington elitist millionaire living off the millions from his wife’s dead husband, but that doesn’t mean he can’t relate to the average American. After all, his limo driver that he rides with everyday, the maids at the house, his grounds keepers, his pilots and personal aids, they are all average Americans. Just look how many jobs he provides. Of course he can relate to the average Joe, and he is truly concerned about Joe too.
Yeah he voted against vouchers for underprivileged children, keeping them from accessing better schools, but that’s because he had to take care of the Teachers Union who keeps his campaign funds flowing, after all, teachers are average Americans too. Even Union bosses deserve a certain amount of protection.
What more can we ask for in a Presidential candidate. He’s not like Joe Lieberman who got all hung up on standing for just one position on the issues. He’s got it all, the ability to argue both sides of every issue; and did I mention that he’s a war hero? He’s cool too, like Edwards, he plays guitar you know?
I think he’s a shoe in for the Presidency this November. Who could possibly be more qualified to lead the free world? He’s just what we need in these trying times, a man who can take any side of any issue. He’s got my vote; I love a guy who stands for everything!
